The problem is that infertility is something that not many people know about unless you’ve dealt with it directly because no one talks about it. In our culture, it is expected that you should have a couple of kids once you’ve reached a “certain age.” And if you don’t, you are seen somehow subhuman for not doing your part to procreate.

The reason I'm telling you that I've been trying to get pregnant for a year now is because it's about time we end this taboo of not sharing with one another our attempts to conceive. One huge misconception I had to realize is that for one, getting pregnant isn't easy. According to my doctor, the most fertile among us, those with the heartiest eggs and the most robust sperm, have only one-in-four chance of getting pregnant every month. The odds lower as we age. And yet, despite how common infertility is in this country, it’s not something that many people discuss or know much about. Our entire adolescence experience seems to be spent learning about how to NOT get pregnant.

We are taught about abstinence, birth control and condoms. We hear stories about teens who get pregnant while ON bc — you grow up assuming that making a baby is as easy as one and done. And while that’s the case for many people, it never occurs to you that it might not go as planned until you encounter that reality or hear about someone else who has. The fact is, even as we have created new ways in which women can value themselves, we're still stubbornly hanging on to the old ones.

The notion of having-it-all tells us that we should be able to do it all - accomplished, nurturing, fit and fertile. But the harsh reality is that we are the ones who feel lonely during those months when we are trying to conceive. We are the ones who has to prepare for a potentially life-altering event or devastation should things not go as we planned. The very least we could do is talk about it with each other. I believe that there’s a way we can destigmatize these conversations and empower women to feel okay to have these conversations and wanting this information because they deserve it. WE deserve that.